I usually sit in thought a lot because sometimes I find myself jaded by the ways of the world and the behaviors of humans. As a writer and someone who studied human behaviors and mindsets, I still find myself in deep thought because I feel like there’s questions that I have that are still unanswered. Being a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a niece, an aunt, a friend and a girlfriend means I play a role in some other humans life and vice versa, but I find that sometimes it’s exhausting. It’s exhausting because sometimes I lack on fulfilling the duties of those roles and so do those who play a role in my life.
However, I realize how much I do try, maybe not my best but I try and sometimes find myself feeling bad when I do fail at playing my role. I understand how tedious it can get with juggling multiple roles, but all I ever ask for is SUPPORT, nothing more, nothing less because I know how it feels to go through a journey in your life with minimal support from those closest to you. I learned throughout my years on this imperfect earth that those closest to you are usually not your biggest fans for various reasons, such as their inability to be there for you the way you would like them too and then there are some individuals who don’t really want to see you succeed because they can’t handle your success.
Another reason is because we are humans with flaws, no matter how perfect we strive to be, it’s impossible. Once you learn that, it hurts less when you are looking for those closest to you to be there and they’re not. Then you may find that your biggest support comes from someone who barely even knows you, think about celebrities and who their biggest fans are. Humans who barely even know them, yet they Stan for them, they support them to the fullest, but yet fail at supporting their own family and friends. Hard pill to swallow but it’s reality, only thing you can do is keep striving for you and connecting with those who do want to support you because there’s someone who could come along and be your BeyHive...
Have you ever experienced moments where you became frustrated with the lack of support from your closest friends or family? How did you handle that situation?
Those very same streets I ran up and down. I drove down that night in awe because it didn’t look the same, it didn’t have the same feeling as I remembered. I remembered the blocks being filled with groups of people standing around doing whatever it is they did all day as I walked home from Vernon Johns or St. Benedict the African trying to get home and enjoy the day. This was definitely a feeling that I didn’t know because life on the 9 had its bad days, but I definitely seen a few good ones too. Ones that made me appreciate friends, good times, corner stores like The Green Store on 71st, Paul and Tracy’s or Certified. I was happy and sad, but I lived through it and gained the strength I needed to face the world and it’s demanding ways. At any rate, riding through my old neighborhood and feeling like a foreigner made my mind race with concern that I’ll probably never get those feelings again, I’ll never have that same experience with my old friends, I’ll never see the guys balling in the middle of 69th Place. I’ll never jump from building with my cousin and friend. I immediately get sad, but glad that I lived through a time where social media never interfered with my childhood. I had to just ride through even though I knew I would feel this way, but it’s amazing to take a stroll down memory lane sometimes because the memories still live with in.
"I’ll never forget the time when I witnessed a neighborhood friend lying bloody on a police car fighting for his life after being shot multiple times. My family and I were forced by the police to exit our home with nothing but pajamas on, while they searched our porch for evidence because after my friend had got shot, he ran to our house for help, so there were drips of blood on our steps. I even witnessed a lot of my peers, whom I walked those very same streets with, get caught up in the negativity that surrounded us daily, which wasn’t a hard thing to do because, for some, it was all they knew".- Excerpt from A Black Girl Once Told Me To Never Give Up
Be(You)tiful is the words that appeared before me as I happily peeled back the wrapping from my delicious piece of Dove Chocolate Candy. At first I was unaware of the messages that were on the candy wrappings, until one day, I finally took the time out from enjoying my piece of chocolate to look at the wrapping before throwing it away like I had been doing previously. I was surprised, but yet loved to see such beautiful and inspirational messages on a piece of chocolate that I started to read them before stuffing my face with chocolate and just disposing the wrapping. Never thought that I would say eating chocolate was good for you until I realized these wrappings with inspirational quotes. At any rate, I wanted to share a little inspiration on this beautiful Thursday and encourage everyone to Be You, Embrace You and Most of All Love You despite living in a world where society rather you look and be like the next person. Trust and believe that why you are trying to be like someone else, somebody is looking at you and trying to be like you. So Be(You)Tiful....
Have you ever just wanted to do something so bad in your life, like start your own business or write a book, but there seemed to be this little voice that pops in your head preventing you from taking the first step? Well, you are not alone as I too have experienced times where I had a passion to do something, but allowed that little voice in my head to make me believe that I wasn’t good or worthy enough to succeed. That little voice is nothing more than the fear we allow to build up within us, which leads to the doubt that continuously keep us from excelling. Yes, I’m aware that failure sucks and no one wants to experience it but the reality is, it is a part of the success. Failure pushes you to succeed harder, smarter and better, especially when you learn from it. I’ll share a story with you, I had been thinking about writing a book since 2014, but I was so afraid that no one would want to hear my story, I wouldn’t sell any copies, it was a waste of time and the list goes on. However, I still found myself writing here and there because yes, I was full of fear but I was full of determination as well. So, I continued writing through the fear, but it wasn’t until about a year ago that I became serious about getting the writing part done. I had just graduated from my master’s program after a long 4 years and in my mind, I didn’t have any more excuses not to follow my dreams, especially seeing that I wasn’t going to be a student anymore. I had free time to make it happen, even if I was unsure of the outcome. Now I am close to publishing and getting my book out there to the world Am I still fearful? Oh hell yes. Was everything perfect? Oh hell no, I experienced so many barriers to get to this point. Was it easy? Absolutely not, but I worked through it. I say all of this to say, even when you are fearful, don’t allow that to determine your outcome, pray about it and trust your passion. Give it a try, you never know, you might surprise yourself and doors may open and lead you to places that you never imagined!!!!